forward ho!

This entry will probably not have much to do with triathlon, and everything to do with the reason I do what I do.
As most know, my 2008 was, in a word, brutal.... horrific..... devastating..... starting in NZ with someone trying to tell me I was worthless, to a hypothermic DNF and Ironman, I spiralled down to a point I thought I would never be able to crawl out of. Martin Luther King used to say "I have been to the mountaintop".... well, I have been to the exact opposite end of that mountaintop..... the darkest pit you can imagine, culminating with the passing of my dog in August. I guess I could have stayed in that dark hole and been a professional victim, but if anyone can say anything about me, I am tough as nails... independent, tough, stubborn.... but lots of good stuff too.

To make a long story short, I trashed my rear view mirror.... 2008 was only a learning experience and a test to make me a better person. Only forward looking from now on. That in itself was a big hurdle.... when you have people in your life who have poisoned your outlook, made you doubt yourself, your abilities and your worth, you get to the fork in the road.... either continue down the pity path, or choose to shed your hate, anger, and fear, and above all, forgive yourself for being human and move on. I have shed my hate, anger and fear, and am doing a damn fine job of forgiving myself for picking all the wrong people to share my life. I don't have to forgive them.... that would be a bonus for them if I did.....they obviously never cared enough for me to actually deserve what I have to offer, so the proper thing to say is "NEXT"....

Crawling out of that pit and into the sunshine of my own life is like a second chance.... never to be taken lightly. I am again strong, tough and ready to rock New Orleans..... I am training with an open heart and a love for movement and racing.

I realize that the training I am doing, the 3.5 hr rides, the 90 minute runs and the monster swims are nothing compared to putting back the pieces of the shattered life I had..... I am not whole, but there is nothing missing that isn't on the horizon.... therefore, I look forward only..... nothing worth having is easy..... that is such a platitude, but the truest one I have ever known or experienced. I don't have to settle for last years stale Easter Bunny with the half chewed ears when there is Bernard Callibaut in life.... my work, my team, my friends, my sport..... it can all be the best chocolate I choose it to be...

Swim, bike, run, laugh, celebrate and cheer...... life is good

Michele